No, seriously, I would consider putting on the Belt of Permanent Gender Change right now. Jeez, I'm such a dork.

Possible squick warning if you're a guy.

Every month (sometimes twice a month) when my period starts, I get nauseous and sick and kinda lose my mind. Right now I'm biting my hand every couple of seconds to stop thinking about my uterus. Earlier I was screaming into pillows and watching some recorded Housewives of NYC so I could yell at them too.

My body just can't handle it, especially when I get it twice a month. I'm 20 lbs underweight, so when I suddenly lose so much blood the rest of my system drains as well. It doesn't matter that having a period is "natural", my body doesn't seem to understand that. My immune system goes down the toilet, I start vomiting and getting diarhhea, my head and shoulders go almost numb and my legs hurt like a bitch, I usually faint at least once, and the pain comes close to making me punch myself in the gut.

I figured it was on its way when I started getting upset over the thought of hanging out with people. For some reason, I get really anti-social and defensive during the start of my period. I want to tell everybody how much I hate them and I come up with reasons to hate them, sometimes really illogical reasons, like "Iris is such an idiot for liking me so I should tell her I hate her so she'll learn something". Wtf, hormones, that's just retarded. But it's really intense. It took all my willpower to ignore Iris's phone calls yesterday so I wouldn't say something that retarded. I WANTED to say that. I wanted to call up everyone on my contact list and tell them exactly why they all suck so much.

Anyway. I feel like shit. I'm going to a... a... whatever they're called... female doctor. My aunt recommended the one who tied her tubes a few years ago. I wonder if I'll have to do that at such a young age since I can't seem to gain weight. Might be kinda nice, since I've firmly wanted to adopt since I was five years old, but I don't like the idea of hormone pills every day for the rest of my life. I dunno. I'm scared and angry at whatever's wrong with me. I thought I could make it go away if I ignored it and just tried to be healthier or if I gained weight, but nothing's working.

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Adding a new deviation soon for CAPSTARA. I feel bad for their loss to Kataang, but we've been expecting it, and I can only pray the upcoming episodes will give Zutara enough to cheer us up again. (I multiship, just fyi, since Zukaang is my OTP.)